True to Form

Chapter 2:

True to Form

When the lady ran out to do errands, the boys and I hung out in the guest room. I watched them play among her silly human things and we had a few laughs. Afterwards, I got the primo real estate in the middle of the bed, while I made Leon and Larry stay on the floor.

When she came back, the lady found me sprawled there like a queen. I thought she would be a little taken aback, but she was so happy to see me that she scratched me behind the ears.

True to form, Leon leapt onto the bed and into the
limelight. I’m beginning to think the kid doesn’t know any better.

I must say though, that I was impressed with Larry, who stayed on the floor minding his own business.

Unlike Leon, the lady actually had to go looking for Larry, who was almost under the bed. Of course, when she found him, Leon had to get in on the action.

Leon! Pesky, infuriating, and ubiquitous Leon.

But don't worry folks. I will live long enough to suffer yet another day!

A Tale of Three Kitties

Dear Mom and Dad,

Since I am the big sister and the most educated one of this clowder, I thought it would be best for me to keep you informed about our time with the lady. Perhaps a novella would be a good way to communicate.

I do hope that you find it informative, as my intention is to state my case as clearly as possible.

Love, 

Your favorite, Missy

“A Tale of Three Kitties”

Chapter 1: Annoying

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. And by worst, I mean as annoying as two little brothers can be.

When the lady came to take care of me earlier this year, I did not have to share her attention with the likes of Leon and Larry. Sigh. Big Sigh!

Take, for example, this morning: The lady immediately picked up my brush when I appeared at her feet. And I was luxuriating in a wonderfully scratchy caress, when Leon pranced over and snatched my moment! He always has to be the center of attention!

I hissed at him, which did nothing to deter him, so I smacked him on the top of the head. The lady gasped with horror, but she needn't have worried.

Leon stood his ground.  I think his head is made of rocks.

Are You a Cat?

Dear Mom,

As I picked up the Magic Puppy's Pen to write you, the lady told me that you are flying home today. You can imagine my relief when she explained that you are using an airplane!😅

I can't wait to see you Mom! I mean, all in all I have had a pretty good time here at The Lady's Camp. In fact, until yesterday I was tempted to give her a 5 bark review. But, yesterday the wheels came off! 

Buckle your seatbelt Mom, and prepare for turbulence.

It was only yesterday! Yesterday, when I was on the verge of forgiving the lady for deserting me for a pharmacy run. Yesterday, when her petting and cooing convinced me that she had succumbed to my tried and true training techniques. 

Because I am as smart as I am beautiful, I could see that she was about to leave me. Again! When she put on her shoes, I tried to stop her by summoning my fiercest bark. When that only resulted in a trip outside to pee, I worried. Could I be losing my touch? My charm? My mojo?

As she grabbed her keys, the lady shot me a rueful glance and made an attempt at appeasing me, by turning on the TV. As if!

Twenty minutes later, I failed to notice her return, because I was perched high on the back of the couch, as it turns out, watching TV. 😳

Surprised to see me sitting at such a height, the lady laughed and asked if I was a cat. As she gently scratched my neck, she beamed at me and called me Maggie the Cat. I was nonplused until she explained that Elizabeth Taylor, who was almost as beautiful as me, was once referred to by that very name.

I abandoned my perch and rolled onto my back for a belly rub. As she sat down next to me, I sighed with relief as I basked in the belly rub and the certainty, that my mojo was completely intact. 

Love, 

Maggie the Cat 💖🐾😼

The Red Blanket

Dear Mom, 

Have I told you about the Red Blanket? It's really quite something. Legend has it that dogs from far away lands, like New Jersey! have come to to bask in its luxury. 

I've heard tales of dogs of all ages, sizes, and breeds gently digging and fluffing within it's vast confines before circling and settling into it's warmth.

There is even a rumor of one such dog who burrows under its layered folds of fleece!

Oddly, the Red Blanket was not originally meant for canine comfort. Once upon a time the lady only used it as a decorative throw on the back of her couch. Imagine having such a treasure and tossing it aside so carelessly with no desire to sniff it or to snuggle within! No offense Mom, but I will never understand the frivolous nature of humans. 

But I digress.  As the story goes: Back in the day, an OG who stayed at the camp discovered the blanket and claimed it when the lady wasn't looking. When she saw him curled up and sleeping in the comfortable nest he had made, she didn't have the heart to move him. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Since she continues to take pictures of me when I am on the Red Blanket, it's my personal belief that the lady remains oblivious to its true value. As she trains the camera's lens on me, she tells me how beautiful I look when surrounded by red. Is she also unaware that I'm colorblind?

Nevertheless, I do give her props for sharing and must conclude that the lady is as soft as her Red Blanket. But please don't tell her that I said so!

Here at camp, she regards herself as pack leader and if word got out, it would not be good for her street cred.  

Some Humans Are Not Easy To Train

Hi Mom,

You will be outraged to hear that the lady left me alone and heartbroken this morning. I know! 😥 She explained that she had to run down to the corner pharmacy to get something for her cold. 

As it was only yesterday that the lady told me that I was the best medicine, I deemed this trip unnecessary.

Though the pitiful look I directed at her made her pause, it did not stop her from leaving. In that moment I knew it was time for decisive action. After all, lessons must be learned and some humans are not easy to train.

To make a long story as short as my legs, she was gone forever. And by forever, I mean at least twenty minutes! When the lady finally walked through the door, I was sitting on the kitchen table, like a beautiful centerpiece. That'll teach her! 

To my surprise, she laughed! She asked me how I had gotten up there and suggested that I might be a circus dog. Then, true to form, she took pictures and videos before picking me up and giving me a kiss.

After she took me for a walk, the lady took her medicine and we snuggled together for a long nap. I woke her by licking her face and indicating I wanted another walk. She smiled, scratched my head and grabbed my leash. As we walked into her yard, a thought occurred to me and it was my turn to smile.

"Some humans may not be easy, but they can all be trained."

Love, 

Maggie🐾❤️ 

Boundaries

Hi Mom,

I’m doing well, but an issue that I hoped would resolve itself has come to fruition and it is one that I must bring to your attention. The lady is obsessed with recording my every move! I know I’m adorable, but come on! What is this? A documentary?

I was barely awake when the bright light of the camera's flash shone in my eyes.

The following videos tell the story far better than mere words can. I don't care to elaborate on today's most wounding intrusion. Suffice it to say that it occurred on my first walk. Mercifully, the lady deleted the video of my requisite poop preparation. Nonetheless, I can still feel the sting of humiliation.

That said, I must shoulder some responsibility. When you’re as beautiful as I am, there are likely to be consequences. Therefore I resolve to take one for the team and bask in her admiration and attention for a few more days.

In the meantime, perhaps you can have a talk with her about boundaries! I know I can count on you Mom. 

I trust that you will enjoy viewing these videos far more than I did participating in them.

Love,

Maggie 😘❤️🐾

Maggie The Cat

Lady's Note: Although she earned the above title in the most adorable way (Stay Tuned!), Maggie is in fact, a dog. Specifically, a mini dachshund. Weighing in at an impressive eight pounds, she is fifteen years old, blind in one eye, and partially deaf, Given all of that, I appreciated her mom's concerns about leaving her. However, I soon discovered that no one had explained to Maggie that her age and deficits should slow her down. She was clearly having none of our silly human perceptions.

Dear Mom,

I am writing to assure you of my well being, because I think you may be worried. After you left, I did sniff around and look for you. I was sad, but felt better after the lady told me that you would be back soon.

After that, I jumped up on the couch with her and we snuggled for a bit. She promised to watch after me until you return. (Huge sigh of relief.)

Then I helped the lady put up her Christmas tree! 🎄 And by help, I mean supervised. And by supervised, I mean napped.

Please try not to worry about me. I suspect that the lady is already quite fond of me as evidenced by the number of photos and videos she has taken.

Love,

Maggie🐾💓

The Wolf

Here at the Lady’s Camp, I have a strict friendly-dog only policy. All breeds, sizes and ages are welcome. If they are friendly, my doors, my arms and my heart are open and I prepare for their arrival with gleeful anticipation.  

Last week was the first time a vicious dog came to the camp. This was not just any mean dog. This dog was a wolf! One whom I expected, but did not invite! As I prepared for his arrival, my anticipation was anything but gleeful.

A few of the humans, who bring my regular boarders, tell me that their dogs know when they are close to The Lady’s Camp and show their excitement by happily wagging their tails. One pup’s dad even tells me that she smiles. 

Though I don’t possess the keen senses of those pups, I only had to hear his menacing growl, to know the wolf was almost here. When he crept closer, he bared his teeth, snarled, snapped at me, and filled me with bone-chilling dread. 

Unlike other dogs who come to stay with me, he was neither welcome on the couch nor bed. Not so much as an open door awaited him.

During his first evening at camp, I watched him ravage my woods. Through the night he kept me awake as he howled relentlessly. He huffed and he puffed and tried to blow my house down. This big bad wolf was fierce enough to split a giant oak in half. 

And before the sun rose the next morning, he brought down several more old and towering trees with such vengeance that they demolished breaker boxes, pulled down electrical wires and took out my power. 

The wolf’s hunger and wrath were so powerful, that when he moved on to new hunting grounds, he left devastation in his wake. 

Though the wolf did not stay long, I won't soon forget his name. And I hope to never again encounter him or others from his pack. He was a monster. Yet unlike the stuff of nightmares and the Brothers Grimm, Ian was very, very real.

In spite of the wolf's rage, the heavens smiled upon The Lady's Camp. The power is on, pups are scheduled and well-being is restored. In the aftermath of the monster wolf, I am grateful that my only pain was inconvenience. Yet, my heart aches for all of his victims; especially those who's lives the wolf destroyed during his savage rampage.

Lighting Strike!

Dear Family,

Last night I met the nice little girl next door and her boy dog Otis. The lady told me that I was allowed to meet Otis because even though I am not fixed, he is. I'm confused. Am I broken? Was he? Color me baffled.

Today, I am a dog of a different color because what began as a light rain, quickly devolved into very loud and scary thunderstorm. Here's how it went down.

We were headed out for a walk when it started to drizzle. Figuring, that a little rain wouldn’t hurt us, we soldiered on. Just as the lady opened the patio door the first clap of thunder boomed in our ears. Retreat! 

She immediately let me inside the house and stayed on the patio to remove her boots. Seconds later, when the lady walked into the house, I was nowhere to be found! 

She scooped me up and placed me next to the couch, while she grabbed a small towel to wrap around me. Then Boom! This one was loud and close. And faster than you can say panic, I sprang into the lady's lap.

We later discovered that lightning struck a tree close to the lady's house. This pic is part of the cracked branch that fell into driveway. Trust me! This storm would cause any giant of a dog to seek refuge.

After the booms sounded further away, I calmed a little and grabbed the magic puppy's pen to write to you as I nestled securely between the lady and a pillow. 

It’s been over an hour and I am still here. Over an hour and she is still next to me, scratching behind my ears and gently petting my head. I may never move. In fact, tomorrow when you come to get me, you may find me in this very spot.

Although the lady is sad that I'm leaving, she tells me that she's happy for me to reunite with you. I guess I’m just that easy to love.

I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!. You will find me right here!

Love, 

Ginger 🐾💓

Thunderstorm Vests

GI Ginger

My Dear Family,

The lady just called me GI Ginger. Despite her tender tone, she did not bestow this moniker upon me due my outstanding patrolling skills. Thus begins my sad story.

Last night, I had to go out several times and I didn’t always make it in time. I'm not gonna lie. It was rough.

But I swear. It was not my fault! I am a dog. I will eat whatever you feed me. Or whatever I find on the floor, or on the ground, or under a rock. The blame belongs to the lady.

Nevertheless, it was humiliating. I felt like some pathetic poopy puppy. And though it was her fault, I was embarrassed that the lady had to clean up after me. 😳 But she told me that she cares only about me and not some inconsequential little mess. 

I must be cuter than I thought.

Stomach issues aside, I am ok and have just finished a nice walk in the yard. It’s still pretty hot, but there is a cool breeze under the shade of the patio where I will settle in for a bit. I am determined to earn a GI status that I can take pride in. Therefore, I have taken up my post and will hence forth be on bear patrol! 

As you can see, I remain a giant among dogs! 

Love,

Ginger 🐾❤️

We Were Surrounded!

Dear Family,

This is my chair! It’s a very special bear watching chair, because from this vantage point I can guard the entire yard.

In fact, last night I heard the bear, but by the time the lady put her boots and took me out, the yard was predator-free. I can only conclude that my ferocious bark scared the big bear before I could investigate. But all was not lost, because I did pee. 😇 

I made the lady very happy this morning because I gifted her with kisses as soon as I woke up, and that was not even the most exciting part of the day!

Mere moments after my post breakfast walk, just as the lady and I stepped inside the patio it happened! Without warning, two of the biggest trucks that I have ever seen appeared in the yard!

The first truck stopped right in front of the patio! The second one stopped on the other side. We were surrounded! 😳

Initially, I was wide-eyed and speechless.  Then two big men got out of the trucks and spoke to the lady. That was when I found my voice and unleashed my most intimidating barks! She warned them that I was a killer, and you won’t believe what happened next!

They laughed. 🤬 

So as not to prolong my humiliation, the lady took me inside the house and told me not to worry because they were just here to do yard-work.  However, I was NOT deterred and from inside the house I barked louder and longer. I'm sure by then they were no longer laughing!

Is your beach as exciting as the Lady’s Camp?

Love,

Ginger 🐾😘

The Empty Bowl

Hello Dear Family,

You see the empty bowl? Yep. That's my work! I inhaled every bit my dinner. Granted, it was served a bit late, but the lady told me that late dining is what one does when one is abroad. 

I have to admit that I was taken aback until she explained that abroad means out of one’s country. What a relief. I have been called Ginger, little girl, pretty girl, good girl, good dog and a number of endearing nicknames, but nothing so crass as a broad!

Aside from this little snafu, the lady is making me quite comfortable. She has shared a couple of doggy blankets with me, a chew toy and even got me some biscuits to munch on. She breaks them into very small pieces and only lets me have them when she can keep a close eye on me.  Does she think I’m a puppy?

It’s very hot here today, so aside from a couple of walks, we have been couch surfing. Netflix and naps! I’m livin’ the dream!

Oh! I have to run! It's time for my evening patrol of the lady's yard. I hope I see another bear!

Love,

Ginger 🐾❤️

Ginger the Giant

Lady's Note:  When Ginger, an energetic  6 pound Yorkie/Chihuahua arrived at the Lady's Camp, I beheld a beautiful little bit of a pup. Ginger, however saw herself quite differently.  In her mind she was a giant and she was fierce!

Ginger's 1rst Letter: 

Good Morning Family,

In spite of missing you all, I’m doing pretty well! As soon as I woke up, the lady and I went on a walk and I sniffed and peed and saw a bear! I tried to chase it, but it ran up a tree when it saw me. Of course knowing how formidable I am, that did not surprise me. 💪 Still, it was quite an adventure!

When we got inside the lady’s house, she tried to tell me that what I saw was not a bear, but rather a squirrel. 

As if! She after all, is a mere human who needs glasses to see. Everyone would agree that my nose and eyes are far superior! 

However, good girl that I am, I graciously accepted a Cheerio and let her scratch my head. 😇 But just between us: It was a bear. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Love you all! 😘

Love,

Ginger🐾❤️

Cavapoo Less Two

Cabbie and Lucy were thrilled to see their mom and dad and I was happy for them. Their reunion was so sweet that I could only bask in their joy. That is, until the family drove away and left me yearning to rewrite an old Fifth Dimension tune. 

Two less pups to care for.

Two less bowls to fill.

Two less pups to pick up after.

I should be happy, but I'm just feelin' ill. 

𝅘𝅥𝅯 𝅘𝅥𝅯 𝅘𝅥𝅯

Cavapoo less two, left this gal feelin' blue. Yikes! Before I croon country, let me tell you the good news. They will be here for the third time in a couple of weeks!

So chin up kiddos. As Lucy would say in her best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression: "I'll be back."

In the meantime, there's a new pup to meet who brings her own brand of fun to The Lady's Camp.

Stay tuned!

It Was Super Gucci

Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! 

I heard you're coming home tomorrow and I can't wait! 

Since it’s our last night here, the lady made us a special dinner with chicken and melted cheese over our dry food. Don’t worry. I stayed in the kitchen the whole time with the lady to make sure she did it right. But, I'm putting Cabbie on blast because she scarfed hers and went straight for mine! 

As happy as I am, the lady is sad. So, we are going to make it a special night snuggling and watching TV.  She said that she may even let Cabbie watch ‘The Crown’. Ugh. Stay tuned for more, "Pip pip, rubbish and Bob's your uncle." 

It’s time for us to go on a walk before it gets dark. The lady has as much fun as we do on our walks. I don’t know why, but she laughs every time we pee in unison. (BIG word!)

Thank you for sending us to camp! It was super Gucci. My favorite part was jumping on the trampoline in the living room! Oh. Cabbie says it’s called a sofa. Whatever. She’s such a know it all. 

Love, 

Lucy🐾❤️😘

If I Was Speaking to Lucy

Dear Mom and Dad,

If I was speaking to Lucy, I would tell you that she says Happy New Year. She may be a party animal tonight, but I am not.

We are going to have a quiet evening watching TV. However, because of Lucy's whining, I am not allowed to watch 'The Crown'. No fair! Instead, we have to binge  “Queer Eye” which I will, in protest, refuse to watch! 

The lady says you are going to a party on the big boat tonight. Lucy, who doesn't understand that I am not speaking to her, wants me to remind you to not to fall off. Ugh. She is so annoying. Especially because she's right. Please do not fall off the boat!

Love,

Cabbie 🐾❤️😘

Cabbie is So Extra

Hi Mom! Hi Dad!

What’s up?

I am still being a good girl, but Cabbie is so extra! 😁 She woke up saying things like “One doesn’t.. and “Pip pip.” Gimme a break! Is that blood blue? 

But don't worry. While she's busy watching the Brits on Netflix, I am busy watching the lady fix our food.

Yay! Breakfast is served! Or as Cabbie would say, "Time to partake in our kibble." Ugh! So lame!

Love you tons!

Lucy🐾❤️😘

Cabbie's Crown

Good Evening Dearest Mummy and Daddy, 

We have been bingeing “The Crown” on Netflix and dare I say? It is delightful! 

We’ve had a jolly old time today! This afternoon the little girl from next door popped in and was quite apologetic regarding the whole Pekingese snafu. 

As Lucy and I are quite the well mannered ladies; all is forgiven! That is not to say that the invoice I requested should not be forthcoming. I trust that you are on top of that! Cheers! 

I have included two videos for your viewing pleasure. The first is of one of our recent kips and the second is one of well deserved praise from the lady. She finds us quite the cheeky lookers!

My younger sister and I miss you and hold you in the highest regard! ❤️

It is time for our evening constitutional, after which, we will enjoy more Crown on the telly.  

Cheerio! 🐾💓

Cabbie (Your Queen)

The Picky Pekingese

Dear Mom and Dad, 

We had a wonderful walk this morning around the lady’s yard. We saw bicycles, joggers and squirrels. Oh my!  And just when I thought the day couldn't get any better, the next-door neighbor and her little girl, invited us over for a party with their Pekinese puppy. 

Sounds great! Right? Stay tuned.

As the day began with such sunshine and promise, I failed to notice the dark cloud looming overhead. THIS was NOT a rain cloud.

At party time, the lady walked Lucy and me through the gate into the neighbor's backyard, and get this: No one was home. I know, right? Rude! 

Lucy and I, decidedly indignant, peed right then and there. How else to let that Pekingese know we were there? Ha! That'll learn 'im!

But wait. It gets worse.

As it turns out, there was no party. Rather, we were farmed out for hire! Because the picky Pekingese will not pee inside the fenced yard, the plan all along was for us to pee on their lawn to encourage him! I’m so humiliated. 

Since we heard that when Mr. Picky got home, he peed within the desired area for the first time, Lucy and I  agree that we deserve compensation. 

Therefore, as our representatives, I implore you to expedite an invoice pronto. And please add a punitive 10% over and above our going rate.

I hope your day was better than ours. 

Love, 

Cabbie 🐾😘❤️

Lucy sends her love. Yes, we made up. What can I say? I can't stay made at the little brat. 💓

Cabbie's Complaint

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope this letter finds you happier than I am, because I have a bone to pick with Lucy! You see what I did there? And she thinks she is the smart one! Ha! 

But I digress. Let me explain.

Yesterday’s breakfast contest was rigged! Lucy enjoyed the spoils of victory, but I was the rightful winner. Not fair!

You see, what the lady failed to notice, was that before I ate half of my breakfast, I devoured Lucy’s! Aha! There you have it.

Oh! Wait! Did I just inadvertently confess? Curses! Foiled again!

Ugh! OK. Perhaps the day will take a turn for the better!

Love,

Cabbie 🐾❤️😘

Lucy wants me to tell you hi. But since I’m not speaking to her, she will have to tell you herself. Harrumph!