A Tale of Three Kitties

Dear Mom and Dad,

Since I am the big sister and the most educated one of this clowder, I thought it would be best for me to keep you informed about our time with the lady. Perhaps a novella would be a good way to communicate.

I do hope that you find it informative, as my intention is to state my case as clearly as possible.

Love, 

Your favorite, Missy

“A Tale of Three Kitties”

Chapter 1: Annoying

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. And by worst, I mean as annoying as two little brothers can be.

When the lady came to take care of me earlier this year, I did not have to share her attention with the likes of Leon and Larry. Sigh. Big Sigh!

Take, for example, this morning: The lady immediately picked up my brush when I appeared at her feet. And I was luxuriating in a wonderfully scratchy caress, when Leon pranced over and snatched my moment! He always has to be the center of attention!

I hissed at him, which did nothing to deter him, so I smacked him on the top of the head. The lady gasped with horror, but she needn't have worried.

Leon stood his ground.  I think his head is made of rocks.

Are You a Cat?

Dear Mom,

As I picked up the Magic Puppy's Pen to write you, the lady told me that you are flying home today. You can imagine my relief when she explained that you are using an airplane!😅

I can't wait to see you Mom! I mean, all in all I have had a pretty good time here at The Lady's Camp. In fact, until yesterday I was tempted to give her a 5 bark review. But, yesterday the wheels came off! 

Buckle your seatbelt Mom, and prepare for turbulence.

It was only yesterday! Yesterday, when I was on the verge of forgiving the lady for deserting me for a pharmacy run. Yesterday, when her petting and cooing convinced me that she had succumbed to my tried and true training techniques. 

Because I am as smart as I am beautiful, I could see that she was about to leave me. Again! When she put on her shoes, I tried to stop her by summoning my fiercest bark. When that only resulted in a trip outside to pee, I worried. Could I be losing my touch? My charm? My mojo?

As she grabbed her keys, the lady shot me a rueful glance and made an attempt at appeasing me, by turning on the TV. As if!

Twenty minutes later, I failed to notice her return, because I was perched high on the back of the couch, as it turns out, watching TV. 😳

Surprised to see me sitting at such a height, the lady laughed and asked if I was a cat. As she gently scratched my neck, she beamed at me and called me Maggie the Cat. I was nonplused until she explained that Elizabeth Taylor, who was almost as beautiful as me, was once referred to by that very name.

I abandoned my perch and rolled onto my back for a belly rub. As she sat down next to me, I sighed with relief as I basked in the belly rub and the certainty, that my mojo was completely intact. 

Love, 

Maggie the Cat 💖🐾😼

The Red Blanket

Dear Mom, 

Have I told you about the Red Blanket? It's really quite something. Legend has it that dogs from far away lands, like New Jersey! have come to to bask in its luxury. 

I've heard tales of dogs of all ages, sizes, and breeds gently digging and fluffing within it's vast confines before circling and settling into it's warmth.

There is even a rumor of one such dog who burrows under its layered folds of fleece!

Oddly, the Red Blanket was not originally meant for canine comfort. Once upon a time the lady only used it as a decorative throw on the back of her couch. Imagine having such a treasure and tossing it aside so carelessly with no desire to sniff it or to snuggle within! No offense Mom, but I will never understand the frivolous nature of humans. 

But I digress.  As the story goes: Back in the day, an OG who stayed at the camp discovered the blanket and claimed it when the lady wasn't looking. When she saw him curled up and sleeping in the comfortable nest he had made, she didn't have the heart to move him. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Since she continues to take pictures of me when I am on the Red Blanket, it's my personal belief that the lady remains oblivious to its true value. As she trains the camera's lens on me, she tells me how beautiful I look when surrounded by red. Is she also unaware that I'm colorblind?

Nevertheless, I do give her props for sharing and must conclude that the lady is as soft as her Red Blanket. But please don't tell her that I said so!

Here at camp, she regards herself as pack leader and if word got out, it would not be good for her street cred.  

Some Humans Are Not Easy To Train

Hi Mom,

You will be outraged to hear that the lady left me alone and heartbroken this morning. I know! 😥 She explained that she had to run down to the corner pharmacy to get something for her cold. 

As it was only yesterday that the lady told me that I was the best medicine, I deemed this trip unnecessary.

Though the pitiful look I directed at her made her pause, it did not stop her from leaving. In that moment I knew it was time for decisive action. After all, lessons must be learned and some humans are not easy to train.

To make a long story as short as my legs, she was gone forever. And by forever, I mean at least twenty minutes! When the lady finally walked through the door, I was sitting on the kitchen table, like a beautiful centerpiece. That'll teach her! 

To my surprise, she laughed! She asked me how I had gotten up there and suggested that I might be a circus dog. Then, true to form, she took pictures and videos before picking me up and giving me a kiss.

After she took me for a walk, the lady took her medicine and we snuggled together for a long nap. I woke her by licking her face and indicating I wanted another walk. She smiled, scratched my head and grabbed my leash. As we walked into her yard, a thought occurred to me and it was my turn to smile.

"Some humans may not be easy, but they can all be trained."

Love, 

Maggie🐾❤️ 

Boundaries

Hi Mom,

I’m doing well, but an issue that I hoped would resolve itself has come to fruition and it is one that I must bring to your attention. The lady is obsessed with recording my every move! I know I’m adorable, but come on! What is this? A documentary?

I was barely awake when the bright light of the camera's flash shone in my eyes.

The following videos tell the story far better than mere words can. I don't care to elaborate on today's most wounding intrusion. Suffice it to say that it occurred on my first walk. Mercifully, the lady deleted the video of my requisite poop preparation. Nonetheless, I can still feel the sting of humiliation.

That said, I must shoulder some responsibility. When you’re as beautiful as I am, there are likely to be consequences. Therefore I resolve to take one for the team and bask in her admiration and attention for a few more days.

In the meantime, perhaps you can have a talk with her about boundaries! I know I can count on you Mom. 

I trust that you will enjoy viewing these videos far more than I did participating in them.

Love,

Maggie 😘❤️🐾

Maggie The Cat

Lady's Note: Although she earned the above title in the most adorable way (Stay Tuned!), Maggie is in fact, a dog. Specifically, a mini dachshund. Weighing in at an impressive eight pounds, she is fifteen years old, blind in one eye, and partially deaf, Given all of that, I appreciated her mom's concerns about leaving her. However, I soon discovered that no one had explained to Maggie that her age and deficits should slow her down. She was clearly having none of our silly human perceptions.

Dear Mom,

I am writing to assure you of my well being, because I think you may be worried. After you left, I did sniff around and look for you. I was sad, but felt better after the lady told me that you would be back soon.

After that, I jumped up on the couch with her and we snuggled for a bit. She promised to watch after me until you return. (Huge sigh of relief.)

Then I helped the lady put up her Christmas tree! 🎄 And by help, I mean supervised. And by supervised, I mean napped.

Please try not to worry about me. I suspect that the lady is already quite fond of me as evidenced by the number of photos and videos she has taken.

Love,

Maggie🐾💓

The Wolf

Here at the Lady’s Camp, I have a strict friendly-dog only policy. All breeds, sizes and ages are welcome. If they are friendly, my doors, my arms and my heart are open and I prepare for their arrival with gleeful anticipation.  

Last week was the first time a vicious dog came to the camp. This was not just any mean dog. This dog was a wolf! One whom I expected, but did not invite! As I prepared for his arrival, my anticipation was anything but gleeful.

A few of the humans, who bring my regular boarders, tell me that their dogs know when they are close to The Lady’s Camp and show their excitement by happily wagging their tails. One pup’s dad even tells me that she smiles. 

Though I don’t possess the keen senses of those pups, I only had to hear his menacing growl, to know the wolf was almost here. When he crept closer, he bared his teeth, snarled, snapped at me, and filled me with bone-chilling dread. 

Unlike other dogs who come to stay with me, he was neither welcome on the couch nor bed. Not so much as an open door awaited him.

During his first evening at camp, I watched him ravage my woods. Through the night he kept me awake as he howled relentlessly. He huffed and he puffed and tried to blow my house down. This big bad wolf was fierce enough to split a giant oak in half. 

And before the sun rose the next morning, he brought down several more old and towering trees with such vengeance that they demolished breaker boxes, pulled down electrical wires and took out my power. 

The wolf’s hunger and wrath were so powerful, that when he moved on to new hunting grounds, he left devastation in his wake. 

Though the wolf did not stay long, I won't soon forget his name. And I hope to never again encounter him or others from his pack. He was a monster. Yet unlike the stuff of nightmares and the Brothers Grimm, Ian was very, very real.

In spite of the wolf's rage, the heavens smiled upon The Lady's Camp. The power is on, pups are scheduled and well-being is restored. In the aftermath of the monster wolf, I am grateful that my only pain was inconvenience. Yet, my heart aches for all of his victims; especially those who's lives the wolf destroyed during his savage rampage.